So, I’m starting a new job in a week. That is good. It’s great, actually. The awful stress dreams about my current job and not actually having a new job are not great, but I can survive them. What’s stressing me out the most is freaking out about all of the following:
- I will be dressing up every day for work. Actually, I will be Dressing Up every day for work. This is completely contrary to how I see myself and how I’ve dressed for work for pretty much forever. This also means I need to buy new clothes, shoes, and a bag because I don’t have anything appropriate for this particular environment.
- I have been shaving my armpits and legs. I am not a shaver at all, but interviews and the disgusting summer heat made it a necessity for me. I’m not sure if I’m going to keep shaving my armpits (That hair is my favorite.), but I’ll probably keep shaving my legs until tights weather hits.
- I’m probably going to wear a bit of makeup to work every day. I usually don’t wear any makeup. I don’t know if I’m thinking of doing it because I want to / think it would be nice or if I feel like I “should”.
- I’ll be making more money. I know this is a good thing, but…yeah.
- I ate meat the other day on purpose.
I don’t think I’d be so stressed about these things if they weren’t pretty much exactly how my Big Bad started changing around the time of our breakup. Of course, she was also going out constantly, drinking and getting high, and only eating out and never cooking, which aren’t things I’m doing.
I know I’m throwing a lot of my neuroses and stuff out there, but…I guess that’s how it goes. And, while these things are definitely on my mind and making me uncomfortable, I am happy about the job-related changes going on when it comes down to it. Here are some of the things I’m excited about:
- Working 9 to 5. While I would definitely work 8 to 4 if I could make my own schedule, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to get up in the morning and have time to do a few things instead of just showering, getting dressed, and running to the bus every morning.
- Eating breakfast. This is related to the previous one. I have never really eaten breakfast before going to work, so I’m going to try to use the later start time to do so.
- Doing yoga. The plan is for that to be what I do pre-shower and pre-breakfast. I’ve really fallen away from yoga and it has definitely not been for the best.
- Getting paid more. I’m not raking in a ton of cash, but it will allow me to be comfortable, which is something I know not a lot of folks are able to say.
- Leaving my old job. I could go on for days about this, but let’s just say that it was horrible.
- Getting reviewed. I have not had a review in 8 years. Yeah, I know!
- Going to Knit Night. I’ll be working a few blocks from my favorite yarn store, so I should be able to go to their knit nights far more often. This is a really, really good thing.
I guess I know I’m not my ex (on about a billion different levels), but this is where my brain has been the past week or so. I know I’m more caring and far better at communicating. I know that I am not my job. I don’t want some sort of “nicer” or more upper class lifestyle. I am not running away from anything, be it where I live, the people around me, or who I am.
Hell, I love where I live, the people around me, and who I am.
So, I guess I’m writing this mostly to be accountable to myself to not turn into some horrible person and maybe to have other people bring it up if they see my behaviors changing. I know I’m a good person and will continue to be one, even if I do look like the million other drones riding the L to the loop in the morning.